


You Get Used To It

by CWnerd12



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Humor, M/M, Malta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:40:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26523838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CWnerd12/pseuds/CWnerd12
Summary: Her first night in Malta, Nile experiences a true Old Guard rite of passage: being kept up all night by the sound of Joe and Nicky fucking.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 19
Kudos: 369





	You Get Used To It

Nile found that she greatly enjoyed Malta- they’d come there after leaving Booker in London. They stayed in a small house with a view of the turquoise blue Mediterranean sea that spread out from the front door, inviting Nile with its fresh, salty air. She spent the day lazing in the sun and swimming in the warm surf. That evening, they ordered dinner from an Indian place. It seemed strange to order Indian in Malta, but Joe said this place was the best, she’d have plenty of time to experience good Italian food with Nicky around. It was the best day Nile had experienced since becoming immortal, probably one of the best days of her entire life. She was ready to slip into a peaceful night’s sleep. She was nearly there when a rhythmic thumping from the other room nagged her awake.

Nile pushed herself up on her elbows, wondering if the others heard it. Andy was in the bed beside hers, reading before going to sleep. Nile listened, wondering what that sound was. A sudden, very loud moan from Nicky told her exactly what it was. Nile felt the blood burning in her cheeks, and sunk down into bed.

 _They’ve been through a lot. They deserve to enjoy being together. It’s none of your business. Just go to sleep._ She shut her eyes, but the persistent thumping grew louder, faster, and much harder to ignore. Andy kept reading her book, completely un-bothered.

 _They’ll have to finish sooner or later_ , Nile told herself. She waited patiently for some kind of sign they might be ending soon. All she got was the sound of low, impassioned moaning, from both of them now. Finally, she pushed herself up on her elbows again. She should say something. Knock on the wall. Would that be rude? _They did spend a week getting tortured…_

Nile looked at Andy. _How can she be reading with all this racket going on?_ Nile sighed. She should say something. Honestly, how long could they go? _They’re immortal. They don’t need to rest. They could be at it all night._

Finally, Nile says to Andy, “Are they always this… enthusiastic?”

Andy doesn’t look up from her book, “Huh?”

Nile, “I, um, I’m trying to sleep, and um…” Joe yelling something in Arabic finished her sentence for her.

Andy, “Oh, that. It’s pretty much just background noise at this point. You get used to it.”

Nile, disappointed, “Oh.”

Andy, “They’ll stop eventually. Don’t worry.”

Nicky moaned something Italian. It sounded vulgar.

Nile, “So in the meantime we just… put up with it?”

Andy, “Yup.”

Nile, “Great.”

Andy, “Price you pay for immortality, kid.”

Nile rolled her eyes and tried changing the conversation, “So… how’s your book?”

Andy, “Pretty good. Something new I’ve been meaning to read for a while.”

Nile glanced at the cover, “ _Moby-Dick_? That’s not exactly new.”

Andy, “Anything less than five hundred years old is new. I still think of Booker as the new guy,” she glances at Nile, “But I guess that’s gonna have to change.”

Nile listened to Joe and Nicky, still going at it, “Do you think I can like, knock on the door or something?”

Andy, “ _Don’t._ They’ve been through some shit, let them have their fun.”

Nile, “Yeah, but, I’m kinda trying to sleep.”

Andy, “You can try, it’ll just make things awkward, and besides-” a loud, ecstatic cry from Joe, “It won’t work.”

Nile sighed again. She really had no choice but to sit there and listen. At least they weren’t doing any weird kinky shit. Wait. _What if they’re into weird kinky shit and they’re just not doing it this time?_ The thought distressed her so much she had to ask Andy.

Andy laughed, “No, thank God, although I’m sure if they were, it would have made the time in Merrick’s laboratory a lot more interesting. Nicky’s still a priest. I’m sure they’ve tried everything, but they’re still vanilla at heart. Nicky was a virgin when he met Joe.”

“Seriously?” asked Nile.

Andy, “What do you do when it’s the middle ages and you really, really, really don’t want to marry a woman? You take a vow of chastity, and then break it when you meet the right hot Muslim guy who tries to kill you.”

“Makes sense, I guess,” said Nile. The sounds of joyous fucking showed no sign of letting up.

Nile, “Are you sure I can’t just-”

“ _No!_ ” Andy’s answer was sharp and definitive.

Nile, “You son of a bitch. You enjoy listening, don’t you?”

Andy finally looked away from her book, “I do not.”

Nile grinned, “Yes you do!”

Andy, “I have spent nine hundred years listening to the two of them fuck, and I know it’s best to just let them finish!”

As if on cue, a series of cries that could only be that of a rapturous climax.

Andy, “See? You can sleep now.”

Nile, “You are a goddamn liar.”

Andy, “Good night, Nile!” She hit the light switch.

Nile laughed, “Good night, Andy.” She settled down into her bed, grateful for the peace and quiet. If she was honest with herself, she knew there were worse things to spend an immortal life listening to. For now, the sound of the ocean was gently lulling her to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this, be sure to check out my big, long-term project: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22199524/chapters/53000743


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